Originally featured on Wicked Cool Women.
This Past Week Was A Near “Swing and a Miss.”
I was going to miss my son’s last opening day of his high school baseball career. For days, including over the weekend, a sense of anxiety and sadness came over me—I was going to miss this moment because I committed to a meeting with a bunch of people where I would be presenting a specific topic. The kind of group meeting that’s difficult to coordinate due to the number of people’s schedules.
As a working mom, over the years, I’ve missed my fair share of special moments for both of my kids from incidences just like this. Did it really take me 18 years of my son’s life to realize these misses just aren’t worth it? He’s always understood mom must work. But do I? Of course, I must work, but I can take a few hours to enjoy these special moments. After all, if my employer doesn’t understand, do I really want to work for the company?
I Needed Help
With my nerves wreaking havoc, turns out I needed a pep talk and a TED Talk to remind me I’m in control of my own decision. For all these years I’ve made decisions creating an outcome I’m not happy with and sometimes resenting myself and others.
Like when my daughter participated in a week-long basketball camp, and I stayed in the car on the phone. On the last day, sitting in the parking lot on a work call, I noticed other parents and guardians walking in towards the school earlier than the normal pick-up time. Turns out there was a ceremony where the kids were recognized for their growth and achievements throughout the week. How did I find out? When I walked through the doors of the gymnasium, I was greeted with a red-faced hysterically crying young girl whose mom wasn’t there to see her receive her award. She was crushed. I was crushed. We still, years later, talk about it.
This time, I hit a double (a good thing in baseball).
The Three Principles
Over a 15-minute conversation with a male colleague and trusted advisor, Will Porter, he encouraged me to go to the game and shared three principles from a TED Talk he listened to earlier that morning—talk about timing:
Practice rigorous authenticity
Surrender the outcome
Do uncomfortable work
The other 15-minutes of our originally scheduled half hour was spent connecting with the meeting maker to explain the situation. I was so torn between cancelling with this team I’ve never met before or sharing this first of a last opening game with my son. I agonized, for too long. Then, I surrendered the outcome and the response received couldn’t have been more worth this one decision, “You can’t miss this moment. Let’s reschedule the meeting.”
So that’s it? These three principles worked.
I was authentic about the situation with no idea how it was going to be received. Meaning I told the truth that I double booked myself and was deciding to pick the game over the work event. Trust me, I was shaking in my boots a bit. After a few deep breaths, I calmed down.
The outcome wasn’t what I perceived it would be. I had created a story on my own that I would be construed as a disengaged working mom whose family is more important. Certainly, it could have gone that way, but it didn’t. It was liberating.
The uncomfortable work for me was to take my power back even when no one took it from me; I gave it away. And, wow, it felt good to declare what I wanted. It was such a relief and I felt empowered.
Listen To a Drug Addict and Take Control of Your Own Decisions
Remember you have the power to take control of your own decisions. When you need a nudge, listen to Michael Brody-Waite, a drug addict, with real authentic advice from his talk at TEDxNashville, “Great Leaders Do What Drug Addicts Do.”
As for the game, I made it on time and my son’s team won their opening day. What a moment!
What principles do you use when contemplating a decision? I’d love to hear your tips with a post in the comments.